The time has come to discuss the openings we have scattered all over our bodies. This chapter focuses on the skin and the numerous orifices that make it up: sebaceous and sweat glands, pores, and hair follicles. People who have exceptionally sensitive skin belong to the orange vector, one Viktor Tolkachev referred to as the “dermal” vector.
Pleasures of the skin
Orange-vectored people loved being gently stroked, especially on their back between their shoulder blades—they could sit for hours enjoying the sensation. Since it can be difficult to find someone willing to keep them happy from morning till night, however, they try to extend the feeling by growing their hair out, tying it back, and letting it gently graze their back. But because our dermal receptors quickly grow accustomed to new sensations, that hair trick only lasts for so long. What else is there to do? Well, some take showers, enjoying the powerful stream of water hitting them. Another option is a steam massage, using gradually stiffer and stronger implements to achieve a strong, head-to-toe dermal orgasm. Once even that becomes old hat, it might be more difficult to think up new tricks. But why make it harder than it has to be? There are still plenty of things to try: whips, handcuffs, and other sharp objects…
The key is that the body has an “escape” mechanism: it responds to pain by producing a special chemical called endorphins to help deal with that pain. Orange-vectored people produce excess endorphins, not to eliminate the pain entirely, but instead due to a connection between pain and deep psychological pleasure.
Ultimately, when the orange vector is realized and satisfied—it is receiving enough caresses, tenderness, and other dermal pleasures—the person is balanced, gregarious, and well-adapted to life. Sadly, cases with a satisfied orange vector occur only rarely in our time. People most often do not get enough dermal pleasure, something that goes all the way back to their childhood, and instead look for a replacement by subconsciously turning to more painful substitutes.
If this vector is suppressed (not accepted), the person can exhibit a masochistic complex that hunts for both physical and emotional suffering. In the worst case scenario, orange-vectored neurosis, that suffering becomes an entire lifestyle. For example, an orange-vectored girl might purposely marry a man who does not love her, spending her life miserable in that marriage. She might also look for a profession that does not suit her in the least, ending up just as miserable in the workplace. Even worse, people for whom this vector is in neurosis sometimes suffer from skin sores that look awful and itch constantly.
Dissatisfied orange-vectored people simply cannot be happy, as they are the “professionally unfortunate.” Just try taking away their unhappiness and watch how they fight to hang onto it!
A girl once asked me, “Why do you think we were born to be happy?” I answered, “I was, at least, but you can think what you want about you…” And off we went down different paths in our lives.
Biorhythms and time
Orange-vectored people have precise biorhythms, with all the biochemical processes in their bodies steady and regular. They are chronometer-esque with their intuitive sense of time even without access to a clock.
How do you find the orange-vectored person in a crowd? Ask a few people to close their eyes and raise their hand when they think a minute has passed. Red-vectored people will be first (at approximately the 30-second mark), as they are always in a hurry to rush on ahead of everyone else. Last will be methodical, slow-paced brown-vectored people (they will raise their hands about 1.5—2 minutes later) who are content to watch the world pass them by. However, if you see anyone raise their hand in exactly one minute (give or take), they are orange-vectored. Wondering what happened to your black-vectored friends? They are probably asleep by now…
Thanks to their built-in clock, orange-vectored people are generally on time, though showing up early is not their thing. They simply have everything calculated in advance, even taking unexpected developments into account.
Brown-vectored people are very responsible: they leave home early, though they still manage to get stuck crossing their threshold and therefore are often late. Red-vectored people are generally early or late (they live by the beat of their own drum), and are only on time by pure accident.
If you are even five minutes late to a meeting with an orange-vectored person, do not be surprised if you arrive to find that they did not wait for you. And if they did, expect a lecture on how time is money.
I remember the first time I visited Viktor Tolkachev (his orange vector was fairly strong). Knowing my habit of being late (red and brown vectors), I left home and arrived an hour early. After sitting in the hallway for an hour, I rang his doorbell just as the clock struck six. The happy owner opened the door immediately (he was obviously ready at that exact time as well) and exclaimed, “Well, there’s a dermal vector for you!”
Now that you know this orange-vector feature, it is not hard to make orange-vectored people happy. Remember that orange-vectored hosts, having invited their guests to arrive at 6 pm, may very well be washing the floor in some old clothes at 5:55. They will still be ready and dressed at the door at exactly 6 pm, though if you are 5-10 minutes late, they will blame the overcooked meal on you.
Numbers and savings
Orange-vectored people are not only human clocks; they are also human calculators with a fanatical passion for numbers. Everything gets counted, from stairs to the number of cars in a freight train. They know exactly how much money they have in their wallets down to the last penny.
Red-vectored people are generally clueless: they always have a few wrinkled, differently denominated bills in their wallets they have forgotten about. Then when the season changes and it comes time to pull clothes out of their closets, they often find more money in the pockets. Brown-vectored people, of course, do keep track of their money, though they round off the numbers for simplicity’s sake.
Orange-vectored people love doing the counting and measuring themselves, though they also never pass up a chance to double-check those around them—seeing how good their math is and at the same time keeping them honest. That is why orange-vectored people carefully count the change they are given at stores and restaurants, comparing that number to the receipt they were given. This behavior is not neurotic; it is simply a strongly expressed orange vector.
Why do you think a housewife would need a scale in the kitchen? Well, for example, she might use it to weigh ingredients when she is cooking something. Orange-vectored housewives need one for an entirely different reason: when they get home from the store, they pull it out and double-check how much the vegetables they bought weigh. And if they find they were cheated, they are not afraid to march back over and demand the difference. It is thanks to orange-vectored people putting dishonest salesmen in their place that we have as little deception in our lives as we do.
And who needs the scales at stores you can use to check listed weights? Red-vectored people? Of course not! They buy their watermelon, accidentally pay for two, and are none the wiser (they generally leave the receipt at the cash register). Brown-vectored people? No again! They know where the honest salesmen work and only visit them. Black-vectored people? Not at all! It would take too long for them to figure out how the scales work. Instead, they are used by orange-vectored people who even sometimes keep a little weight in their pocket to make sure scales are working correctly. Orange-vectored people from years ago often carried around steelyard balances, a counterweighted scale to counterbalance and measure weight, though they now settle for a calculator and a small tape-measure.
One more thing orange-vectored people enjoy doing regardless of their financial condition is visiting different stores to compare prices.
I know a young woman who goes on an extraordinarily expensive cruise around the world every year, though the rest of the time she scours stores to pay 5% less for her sausage. I once asked her why she needs those savings since she is obviously well off. She answered, “I’m able to take a cruise every year because I don’t spend that extra 5% on sausage!”
My own orange vector is strong enough (I always have a calculator with me), and so I decided to figure out how much sausage she would need to eat at that rate to save enough for a cruise. I also tried the same with bread and butter for comparison. It turns out it would take more than a lifetime!
While this behavior is sometimes irrational, it speaks to a lifestyle that is perfect for orange-vectored people of all ages. The most important thing is that they feel good about themselves, and saving a penny here and a penny there is the psychological equivalent of dermal pleasure.
Key words for them are “sale” and “cheap,” with many companies running marketing campaigns aimed squarely at orange-vectored people. They also like advertisements built on exact calculations: “Every fourth time you brush your teeth is free!” or “Now wash nine more t-shirts for the same price!”
They love prices that end in a nine, as they like getting both a receipt and at least symbolic change.
Brown-vectored people, on the other hand, hate prices that end in a nine, feeling like someone out there is trying to pull one over on them…
Orange-vectored people take their property very seriously, subconsciously treating it as an extension of their own bodies. That is why taking something of theirs even temporarily can seriously discomfit them.
An orange-vectored psychologist is running a lesson—he has 18 assignments and 18 paperclips for 18 people. He relaxes, confident in the knowledge that he has enough for everyone, until a red-vectored colleagues without any of his mental baggage rushes in: “Hey, can I grab a paperclip?” Without waiting for an answer, he just picks one up, hurries right back out of the room, and leaves the orange-vectored psychologist hurt and frustrated that he is now missing one paperclip. Of course, he is a regular orange-vectored guy and this is not his first rodeo, so he has some spares. He is still hurt and frustrated though!
As you can probably guess, orange-vectored children dislike sharing their toys. They do often agree to temporary trades, though they are sure to take into account the relative value of the goods at stake: handing over a bike for the chance to play with a shovel will probably not cut it.
Orange-vectored people love keeping track of their finances, writing down all their income and expenses: car, TV, grains, matches, and everything else, all of which goes into a single column. If their budget permits, they pick up some accounting software that does the calculations for them, though some still take the time to double-check everything once a year (usually on April 15). Their preferred tool in that case is the abacus.
If the orange vector is not realized or accepted, that passion for savings can take a turn for the worse. One option for orange-vectored masochists is “experimenting” on their own stomachs. Maybe you know the type: “Why are you eating that cheese?! It’s still good!” or “Don’t eat the fresh bread until we finish the stale loaf. We finish the old one first!” (in the meantime, the fresh bread gets moldy waiting its turn, though it does eventually get eaten).
Ultimately, however, it works even better to simply go hungry. Paul Bragg, a well-known orange-vectored American, sometimes went without eating for a day, while other times he fasted for two days or even a week. In that time the orange-vector organism suffers so much that it produces an extraordinary amount of endorphins, enough to last for quite a while. That is why Paul Bragg wrote The Miracle of Fasting, in which everything is calculated and scheduled perfectly for the orange vector: when to begin and end, with times and measurements all strictly laid out. It works something like this: 47 minutes after finishing a fast you eat 94 grams of carrots, moving on to 82 grams of cabbage 23 minutes later. Millions of orange-vectored people the world over have read the book, fasted, and cured dermal and non-dermal diseases alike.
If fasting is too difficult, a strict diet (vegetarian, raw, or one of the myriad other options) is often enough to do the trick.
Some angry people claim that vegetarians could not care less about animals; they simply hate plants…
That is a joke, of course, but I have never once met someone who enjoys fasting or a harsh diet with an only weakly developed orange vector.
Brown-vectored people, by the way, differ from orange-vectored people in that they care about their health but do not resort to diets of that nature: they prefer balanced diets and/or the Hay Diet.
Orange-vectored people serve as the supply agents in the system (family), making sure there is always backup ready. That backup comes in handy during tough times when beggars cannot be choosers and we have to use whatever we have. People with an imbalanced orange vector keep spares that would last through a fifth and sixth life, something that differentiates them from the frugal brown vector.
While brown-vectored people gather mushrooms and berries in the summer, storing them in jars and managing to finish them just as the next summer rolls around, orange-vectored people have a different strategy. They collect as much as they possibly can, storing their harvest on one of the many shelves in their pantry or loft. If you are at a friend’s house and are offered five- or even ten-year-old jelly, your friend is definitely orange-vectored (brown-vectored people care too much about their digestive system to eat anything that expired even just last night).
Orange-vectored people are the ones who make pancakes with the cheapest flour they can find, even if they have to go through and pick out the worms first.
While brown-vectored people find a swollen can in their refrigerator and throw it out, orange-vectored people stick it in a pot to boil. The worst thing that could be in that can is the deadly toxin botulism. However, it is killed by long periods at high temperatures, and everything else that survives is not nearly as scary: the worst that could happen is diarrhea. Orange-vectored people, in contrast to their brown-vectored friends, are not afraid of diarrhea, and their motto is, “You can eat anything as long as you heat it up enough first.”
For many (and especially red-vectored) people, orange-vector habits like these are incredibly annoying. But just try to remember that some of your ancestors may have survived thanks to such qualities, meaning that you would not exist if it were not for a strong orange vector in your family…
Nearly every orange-vectored person has their “treasure box” at home where they keep everything they “need”: a piece of razor blade, an empty cartridge from a ballpoint pen, a conveniently long piece of string, a nut of unknown size (maybe one day the bolt will turn up), and much more. New “valuables” are added all the time, though nothing is ever taken out. And when the orange-vectored owner passes on, family members usually leave it out by the curb to be quickly picked through by orange-vectored passers-by.
This vector loves finding and jumping on freebies, though they should not be confused with just anything that is free: orange-vectored people know very well that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Finding an honest-to-goodness freebie takes a sharp wit, or being in the right place at the right time.
Orange-vectored people can build their houses using nothing but scraps. They are never prouder than when they can say they did not use a single new nail—what is the point when you can find an old one, straighten it out, and pound it home? Incidentally, they claim that rusty nails hold better. Maybe they are right?
The end of the 20th century featured book after book in countries all over the world following the “thirty useful tips” model, all of which can be found in every orange-vector home. After all, they are founts of information on how to turn trash into treasure. Helpful advice was also featured during TV programs, with millions of orange-vectored people leaning in to find out how to make a backscratcher from an ordinary plastic bottle.
Did you know that you can cut off the end of an empty toothpaste tube and brush your teeth three more times?
The dishes they buy in the current period of their lives usually go unused, saved for the next: when I get married, when I have children, or when I have grandchildren. For now, orange-vectored people eat from a chipped plate and drink from a carefully glued cup.
“Who cares that the teapot spout leaks? Don’t fill it all the way and it’ll work just fine.”
These same orange-vector abilities appear at a very young age. Orange-vectored children are always on the prowl for things they can find a use for at home, and they are always more than happy to pocket things that are poorly hidden: someone else’s toy, for example. At home a brown-vectored mother who is honest to a fault might shout at one of them, “You thief! They used to cut hands off for that!” On the one hand, that mom is completely right: it is wrong to take things that do not belong to you. On the other, that overly emotional response can instill a “penniless complex” in the child. The ability to take what life offers, after all, is crucial for the orange vector’s financial happiness.
What could that mother have done differently? Every “no” needs to be accompanied by a “yes,” teaching children not to take things that do not belong to them while also showing them how to honestly reach their potential. For example, they can go pick mushrooms and berries or bring something else home without stealing from anyone.
Once when I was in second grade our natural sciences teacher showed us a piece of granite. She talked about how the beautiful stone was used to build monuments, subway stations, and many other fascinating things, and we really were entranced by the way it glistened in the sun. A week later my buddy and I were walking after school when we saw a huge pile next to the road. What do you think it was? Granite! And there was nobody nearby.
I ran over to it, picked up one rock, and said to my friend, “Look, it’s granite!” “Granite?” he answered, unfazed. “We need to take it!” I said shouted. And so we started packing it into our backpacks. However, there was not much space thanks to the books and notepads we had absolutely no use for at the moment, and so I started shoveling granite into my pack with the extra pair of shoes I had with me. Once there was no more room, we started hauling our treasure to my house for some reason. The pack with its new load was very heavy, forcing me to drag it along the last three hundred feet of asphalt. Ultimately, however, all that was nothing compared to how excited I was about my “treasure.”
I burst into the apartment shouting, “Mom, dad, look what I brought!” and dumping it all on the floor. And that all hell broke loose: my parents were horrified, screeching, “Are you an idiot?! Your grandmother made you that bag! And now look how you dragged it through the dirt and tore it! Get all this out of the house and into the trash immediately.” There was nothing to do but toss all my granite into the trash and ask my grandmother’s forgiveness for the torn bag. It has been 30 years since then, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. I even had to work through the experience during a psychology seminar to keep that traumatic childhood event from ruining how I felt about money.
In short, be careful how you deal with children who take what does not belong to them without thinking. If the child is handed down an unreasonably harsh punishment, she may develop a habit of lying that will only complicate things.
If orange-vectored people do not get through their “collector” stage in childhood with balance and acceptance, they can turn to kleptomania (a habit of minor theft) as adults. Some of them are convinced that stolen flowers grow better, and so they tear branches off plants that catch their eye whenever possible. Others think books that do not belong to them are more interesting to read, which is why you need to keep an eye on them when they stop by for a visit or head over to the library. Some people cannot leave a restaurant without taking a spoon or wine glass as a souvenir, to say nothing of hotel rooms: shampoo, soap, and shower caps are only for beginners. Amateurs walk out with bed linens, towels, and robes, and they themselves do not even compare to the “professionals.”
Remember the “rule of S” to avoid accusations of theft at hotels. Most hotels do not care if you take anything that begins with the letter S:
- Shower gel
- Shower cap
- Sewing kit
- Shoe shine kits
This way of life is so natural for many orange-vectored people that they cannot imagine how other people could live differently. That is why the people around them think of them as thieves: “If my things aren’t where they belong, they were stolen!” The washbasin with a hole in it was stolen, the torn galoshes were stolen, and the garden shed is a prime target, so it is important to check every week to make sure everything is there.
Orange-vectored people generally do not give flowers—why spend so much money on something that will be dead tomorrow? If they absolutely have to buy flowers for someone, they prefer to give a potted plant that will last longer. And they certainly do not get green-vectored people and their fleeting enthusiasm that is stronger for a beautiful bouquet of flowers than even the most valuable gift. Orange-vectored people think the best present is an envelope full of cash.
Incidentally, some orange-vectored people do not like getting presents, as it makes them feel like they are indebted to the giver. They start wondering why they have to give something in return.
When I was young I had a friend who came to my birthday parties every year. One time he gave me a great book I enjoyed reading immensely: Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island. I do not remember what he gave me the next year, but the one after that he gave me another book. And guess what? It was the same Treasure Island! I put them together on the shelf and he walked by multiple times that evening without noticing a thing. No matter, it would be pretty easy to forget something after a couple years—but a year later he gave me a third copy! I had to tell him: “You know, I already have two of these…” My friend was not embarrassed in the least, and answered, “Well, now you have three.” His parents probably picked up an entire box of the lovely books and were giving them to everyone, though their lack of a brown vector meant they were not keeping track of who had already received a copy.
Orange-vectored people do not have to rush around on Christmas Eve because everything has long since been bought. They spend the entire year looking for sales, buying in bulk to make sure they have enough for everyone. While they are usually careful to remove the price tag so as to make sure nobody knows their present was bought on sale, they do sometimes buy more expensive gifts to demonstrate their status or show the strong relationship they have with the recipient. In that case they may even stick the price tag onto the top of the box or highlight it with a marker.
The other side of the coin is that giving orange-vectored people gifts without price tags means putting them through the ringer. Now they have to go shopping to figure out how much your present cost so they know how much they owe you. For the same reason, avoid giving people like this gifts that are too expensive—they will worry about not being able to “repay” you.
Orange-vectored people can be completely serious when they give their children a nickel and tell them to go buy whatever they want.
Orange-vectored people stuff themselves when visiting friends, even if they are on a diet at home. They sometimes even bring a bag or container with them to take home what they cannot eat there.
On the other hand, they prefer not to entertain, especially staying away from yellow-vectored gluttons and their terrible table manners. You will never see a salad bowl or meat dish on the table in an orange-vector home; everything is evenly portioned out in the kitchen. And if you forget yourself and ask for seconds, get ready for a gentle reminder that there is a McDonalds around the corner.
Orange-vectored hosts sometimes let slip how much dinner cost or say something like, “Go ahead, dig in—this is all we have left.” They buy two packs of ten sausages when they are expecting ten people (exactly two per person), and worry about an eleventh person coming—buying a third pack for just one more person makes no sense whatsoever.
Think back to the last time you read Sleeping Beauty—what happened? There was no set of utensils for the eighth fairy! The problem was that the orange-vectored host had no desire to get another set from the pantry, at which point the fairy, who happened to be violet-vectored, took full revenge on the hapless host!
In some orange-vectored families with birthdays just a week or two away from Christmas, they just reuse the leftovers from the first celebration.
Orange-vectored people hang onto old instructions for years, even after the appliances they belong to have long since been thrown out or picked apart. This vector rejects the use of the phrase “to throw out” (negatively significant).
“This pot has gone through three moves with me, and you’re saying I should throw it out??”
If orange-vectored people do not get enough of the pleasure their skin craves, their passion for collecting gets even worse.
Spacious homes and apartments sprout cabinets and shelves from every which way to store things “just in case.” In the end, you can only walk through them sideways.
Brown-vectored people are also notable for their frugality, though they do not hold onto things they do not need and throw out instructions along with their appliances.
Orange-vectored people love computers and especially the Recycle Bin, which is a place to send “deleted” things that are never really deleted. Accidentally clicking “Empty Recycle Bin” is the same for them as accidentally reformatting their hard drive. Their computers lack a set structure; instead, several folders with moderately important documents share space with highly sensitive folders in the Archive. Everything is saved from the moment the first computer is bought, including, if you dig deep enough, quite a few sets of instructions on what to do about Y2K.
Appearance and habits
Long hair tied back into a ponytail is typical for the orange vector, and even for orange-vectored men. Other hairstyles are chosen for the savings they create by needing a haircut only twice a year. Incidentally, redheads often have a strong orange vector.
Balanced orange-vectored people have very sensitive, velvety skin, and they love stroking it and their hair. In stressful situations they often scratch themselves.
People like this often have thin, sometimes pinched lips. They speak with an instructive tone, matching it with the way they wave their finger around: “I’ll show you” (as they point into the air or tap on the table).
Orange-vectored people dress practically and economically, loving thrift stores and not being afraid to patch up old clothes. In families with several children, the youngest rarely gets any new clothes. In spite of their economy, however, they particularly enjoy leather and fur (fluffy) things.
Their favorite color is orange, and their symbol is the cross or plus sign.
Orange-vectored people enjoy contrast showers, swimming in icy water, acupuncture, and acupressure mats. They are also big fans of crossword puzzles, all kinds of logic games, and training people (their own family, their own children, or other people’s children).
Their handwriting is small and scrunched, with sharp characters. When writing letters they try to fill up the entire page without leaving any open areas (“luxuries” like paragraph breaks and indentations are out the window). For unimportant documents like those same letters they choose the cheapest paper they can find.
Quite a few years back a seminar participant brought a note written by his father-in-law that became a fixture of lessons on the orange vector:
“Thanks a ton for partially washing the dishes. It would be nice if you could finish the job—I like using the pot and pan that are out on the balcony. I’m also hoping you’ll take out the trash. Although you put the iron away (progress!), you should have done the same with the blanket and plug from the lamp after you used the hairdryer.
That’s all for now. I imagine you’ll spend more time reading this letter than you spent on all the colossal work you did. Let’s not make a mountain out of a molehill, okay?
P.S. Don’t eat the sour cream, etc. I’m on a diet and have neither the means nor the desire at the moment to feed you.”
While black-vectored people live in constant contact with their bodies, orange-vectored people feel the same about the world around them (they sense it through their skin). Balanced orange-vectored people live healthy lives and love all different types of exercise, from jogging to rhythmic gymnastics to even yoga. With that said, saunas occupy a special place in their hearts. For them they are less a hygienic exercise and more a separate world with its own culture, unusual sensations, and completely different way of talking. Telling an orange-vectored person you do not enjoy saunas has the same effect as talking to red-vectored people about the past or brown-vectored people about the future: you will end up with one less friend. Incidentally, a dislike for saunas can be a sign of an unaccepted orange vector.
Orange-vectored people and their highly sensitive skin cannot stand creased sheets or crumbs in the bed. Believe it or not, a friend of mine could not go to sleep until he got the tennis ball out from under his bed—and it was not even touching the mattress! Their sensitivity obviously extends far beyond bodily contact.
Some orange-vectored men prefer to shave frequently, even twice a day, as they find it to be great for their skin. Others, on the other hand, prefer not to, as their skin is easily irritated. Those in the latter camp only shave once every week (or two), though always on the same day—orange-vectored people are creatures of habit. So if your colleague is only clean-shaven on Mondays (or on Mondays and Thursdays), you can be sure he has a strong orange vector.
They love taking showers, and especially contrast showers (note that red-vectored people prefer baths or pools, where there is much more water).
Orange-vectored people adore massages, though instead of deep tissue massages they like superficial ones that are only skin-deep (black-vectored people are the ones who prefer strong, deep massages where the masseuse “adjusts your spine via your stomach”).
Many orange-vectored people love cats, which are pleasant to the touch even when short-haired. The most important ditch to avoid, however, is “old cat lady” syndrome: they lived long and happy lives, dying on the same day.
While brown-vectored people tidy up to make sure their houses are clean (getting to the dirt in all the nooks and crannies), orange-vectored people only do so for discipline’s sake (if you cannot see it, it is not there).
Orange-vectored people are generally not charitable, convinced as they are that free hand-outs are evil. They also find it very difficult to give bribes, though they have fewer qualms accepting them.
A son walks up to his father and says, “Dad, today I dreamed you gave me a little chocolate bar!” The father calmly replies, “If you behave, you’ll be dreaming about how I gave you a big chocolate bar next.”
A peculiarity native to the orange vector is a practicality that insists on everything having its own meaning, use, or benefit. Existential crises occur only rarely, as orange-vectored people do not think too deeply about the meaning of life or the philosophy of being. On the other hand, they are unparalleled (even among black-vectored people) in their endurance: they would last the longest on a deserted island in the cold, without food, and almost without water. Their motto is: “Suffer everything, make it through all trials, and survive.” That survival instinct may be what kept many alive along the long Oregon Trail or in the German concentration camps.
Orange-vectored people are human clocks, so discipline for them is a joy. The organization they instill in all areas of their lives is the envy of the other vectors, and especially the red vector.
Orange-vectored children display these qualities from the day they are born, easily fitting into required schedules: they sleep the given number of hours, eat exactly as much as they are supposed to, and do everything by the book. Being a parent to one of them is generally a walk in the park, as they behave exactly how parenting guides say they will. In contrast to red-vectored children, orange-vectored ones feel uncomfortable when they have too much freedom in their lives and need structure. Without it they feel uneasy and sometimes begin to manifest skin disorders.
At school orange-vectored children make great students, earning top grades with their trademark discipline (incidentally, orange-vectored children are the only ones who can be incentivized to study using money).
Their love of discipline only grows stronger with age—a daily regime is set and followed strictly for years. Every day they wake up at the same time without an alarm clock (remember, they have an internal clock), eat the same breakfast (nutritious and economic), take the same road to work, and do the same job. They also have a daily workout routine and/or take a cold shower daily. Their lives move along a predetermined plan: this year they are buying a TV, next year a car, and in three years a house. And that is how it happens.
Orange-vector qualities make these people irreplaceable in the workplace during times when the red-vectored leader has to be away. The orange-vectored replacement, of course, is not capable of carrying the team on her shoulders, though she is more than able to organize everyone according to a plan already in place and instill strict discipline. That is often enough to keep the team moving forward and together until the red-vectored leader gets back.
Their love of discipline pushes orange-vectored people into careers as teachers, where they make sure rule-keeping and other standards are highly prioritized. A clear hierarchy of teachers and students is also important for them.
How do orange-vectored teachers generally do their job? “Okay, you little mongrels, today you learn how to raise your hands: get ‘em up exactly to the tip of your ear. Got it? Let’s see what you can do.” In the back row, of course, a red-vectored student has no tolerance for rules in his life. “You bring your parents to school tomorrow so I can tell them how to raise an obedient child.”
Orange-vectored people do their best to make sure everyone on earth knows how to behave. Their favorite words and phrases are “have to,” “required,” and “rules.” People like that are fanatically committed to the idea of duty: “duty above all.” But what is more important than duty? Money, of course. The most duty-bound orange-vectored person still has a number they cannot resist. It may be quite high, but there definitely is one—and the person mostly likely knows (or guesses) what it is. Never think of orange-vectored people as 100% principled, as the right sum may simply not yet have been offered.
Professions and the workplace
The main advantage orange-vectored people enjoy is a stunning sense of logic they can apply to widely varying areas of their lives. They are drawn to all professions related to numbers and money: mathematician, cashier, accountant, economist, financier, and so on. Remember that the best accountant is a mix of the orange and brown vectors (if the latter is missing, the firm may occasionally find itself missing significant sums).
Among other professions and hobbies they prefer sports that focus on endurance and accuracy: marathons, fencing, biathlon, rhythmic gymnastics, figure skating, ballet, and ballroom dancing. They are also often found at supervisory and inspection agencies working as controllers, auditors, epidemiologists, epidemic response station workers, fire prevention specialists, and tax specialists.
In the workplace orange-vectored people follow instructions exactly and do not show any particular enthusiasm for their job. They finish work precisely on time—“no one’s paying me to stay later”—and love hourly pay or even being paid by the minute, which makes calculations easier.
I remember once how we hired an orange-vectored babysitter for our child. At the end of the day she calculated what we owed her and said, “I worked five hours and seven minutes, so you owe me $51.17.” Smiling, she went on, “But don’t worry about the 17 cents.” And finally, without any embarrassment whatsoever, “I’ll add them in next time.”
While red-vectored people are inventors who design complete novelties, orange-vectored people are able to think up ways to use old things more profitably.
People with a weak red vector and strong orange vector are not big earners. Red-vectored people are the ones who take risks, investing all their money, losing it, earning some more, investing their new savings, and finally raking in a fortune. Orange-vectored people never risk everything; they spread their money across different accounts in different banks, losing a little here, gaining a little there, and in the end coming out with modest, if guaranteed growth.
Be sure to lay out all the terms and conditions ahead of time down to the last penny before starting to work with a person like this. Remember: orange-vectored people are not volunteers—you have to pay them.
Love and sex
Orange-vectored people have middling sexual potential. If their vector is not satisfied, they may fall hopelessly in love, perhaps with someone from a book or one of their friends’ partners. Here the subconscious goal is to suffer, seeing as how imbalanced orange-vector love often appears as deep suffering (think here of Dostoevsky’s characters).
Marriage to a person like this, of course, is built on calculations: orange-vectored people may hold off on a marriage for a week to see if anything better turns up. Prenuptial agreements are obviously the great masterpiece of the orange vector.
Sex in such a marriage happens strictly on schedule: for example, on Tuesdays and Fridays at 10 pm.
An orange-vectored man comes home and tells his wife: “Mary, get ready!” She thinks to herself, “What happened?! Today is Wednesday!” Happily, she grabs a quick shower and jumps excitedly into bed, which is when he enters, fully dressed, and says, “April fool’s! Ha-ha-ha…”
That is the kind of humor orange-vectored people enjoy: nothing terribly funny, and more like a chill running across your skin. They say traditional English humor elicits a similar reaction.
Orange-vectored men have long since calculated that the average man is capable of achieving 56,742 orgasms over the course of his life. And given that his ejaculate is important to the female organism, he prefers not to waste it, which is why you need to encourage orange-vectored men in the bedroom. That encouragement does not need to be monetary; it can be little gifts (pens or paperclips) or making a little treat. Regardless, it is also important to say something like, “This is just a little thank you for the wonderful night.” Orange-vectored women are the same way: they sometimes are even more turned on when paid for sex, even by their own husband.
Two orange-vectored people married to each other live happy lives: they have separate budgets, separate shelves in the refrigerator (or separate refrigerators), and they go to the sauna, go swimming in icy water, go running, and fast together. Life is also a competition to see who can get better deals—the one who wins is usually the one who happens across the freebie.
Relating to people
Orange-vectored people care deeply about what the people around them think, and they spend inordinate amounts of time and energy making sure their families meet social standards and fit within social frameworks. “What will the neighbors think?!” is something an orange-vectored mother or grandmother might say.
Friendships with orange-vectored people are built on usefulness, and they end once that usefulness is exhausted. On the other hand, their friends are generally not aware that they are being used, as orange-vectored people are able to act in their own interests without anyone noticing.
They love offering advice, try to teach people how to live their lives, and sometimes guilt trip the people around them (especially their children): “I raised you, went days without sleeping for you, and this is how you repay me…”
Another way orange-vectored people manipulate others is by insisting on helping, only to later call in that favor: “Here, let me help you. I don’t mind, and you look like you could really use it.” You feel pressured to accept, but a couple weeks later your orange-vectored friend comes over and says, “You remember what I did for you?! Do you have any idea what it cost me?!”
The orange vector has one more interesting quality: orange-vectored people adore speaking plainly. However, that has nothing to do with, for instance, the brown vector’s honesty and fairness. “Sweetie, I have no idea who you got that mug of yours from! Hey, what’s the matter? If your mother doesn’t tell you the truth, who will?”
Be sure to uphold all the monetary and time commitments you make to orange-vectored people when dealing with them, remembering that they are always aware of the exact balance owed in each individual relationship. If you think there may be an issue with the accounting, do your best to get it fixed immediately. Ultimately, try not to accept money or things from orange-vectored people—after all, “if you want to lose a friend, lend him money (or borrow money from him).”
Dissatisfied orange-vectored people love complaining about their lives: “all the other lines are moving faster” or “all the good produce always runs out right when I get there.”
Realized and satisfied orange vectors generally do not create any health problems. On the other end, orange-vectored people with suppressed vectors or vectors in neurosis may suffer from skin diseases. Generally speaking, all skin diseases can be traced back to an imbalanced orange vector: even newborns can have theirs suppressed and develop skin diseases while they are still nursing.
Orange-vectored people in neurosis scratch themselves a lot and refuse to be caressed. If your friend warns you not to touch him, you can be absolutely sure he is in orange-vector neurosis.
Dissatisfied orange-vectored people also love complaining about their health, sometimes spending months visiting doctors in search of reasons for their poor condition. Their doctors, however, can never find anything seriously wrong with them.
Orange-vectored people are self-fulfilling prophesies on two legs: if they read in the newspaper that tomorrow will be an unsuccessful day, you can be sure they will have a bad day tomorrow. Even if that newspaper turns out to be from last year, they will have a bad day on the date they saw in it. This makes them different from blue-vectored people, who are not impressionable and instead are weather-sensitive—they have bad days when bad days are fated to happen, regardless of what the newspaper says.
Orange-vectored people love treatments like acupuncture, leeches, ants, cold or hot water, and, of course, fasting. They need to be careful when tanning, as their sensitive skin burns quickly.
Pathway to love
Many people start to look down on orange-vectored people after learning about this vector. To be honest, after Viktor Tolkachev’s “dermal” lesson I had a similar feeling. As I was still prone to sharp judgements, I decided that orange-vectored people are the unpleasant ones I saw around me and that I was nothing like them. It was no coincidence that my orange vector at the time was only 13% (thirteen percent!) accepted.
However, a few weeks or months later the scales fell from my eyes, I examined my life, and I found something that surprised me. It turned out that the number of orange-vector qualities I displayed was almost as many as the ones Tolkachev talked about at that lesson, while it was only that initial negativity that kept me from seeing that the orange vector is my strongest.
Here are just a few examples of what I saw. When I was 16 I tried fasting for 2-3 days (I do not know why—perhaps just to see what I was made of). At the same time I made a habit of dousing myself in cold water (something I have hated ever since I was a child) and running in the morning (I hate running even more). I had my old black and white TVs sitting around my house for years, even after they had all been replaced by color models. I wore the same coat for 14 years, loved money, and thought the best gift was the kind you get in an envelope. While I did not cut the end of toothpaste tubes off, that was only because I had little clamps that served that same purpose even better. My heart would jump into my throat whenever I had to throw something old or spoiled away. And you already know the story about the granite…
Even with all that I would have fought anyone who “accused” me of being orange-vectored. I have no idea how I got through that neurosis without developing any skin diseases! Now, of course, I have been able to accept all of my qualities, making them much more balanced. This vector is one of my strongest, and it was the one I used in my own life to learn how to accept vectors in general. I can now say that I am orange-vectored, and, perhaps more strongly, that orange-vectored is who I am.
Films to watch (featuring orange-vectored characters):
- The Piano Teacher, directed by Michael Haneke; Austria, France, and Germany; 2001 (Erika Kohut, played by Isabelle Huppert)
 Paul Bragg (1895—1976) is a well-known American figure in alternative medicine, naturopath, healthy-lifestyle propagandist, businessman, and showman. His book The Miracle of Fasting enjoyed significant success in the second half of the 20th century.
 Botulism is a disease caused by eating foods with botulism rods. Preserving foods without access to oxygen leads to the rods multiplying and giving out a toxin that is the strongest bacterial poison on the planet. Interestingly, modern science holds that there can be no other more poisonous substance in nature!
 Y2K, or the Year 2000 problem, occurred because software developed in the 19th century used digit pairs to indicate dates: January 1, 1961, became 01.01.61. Once January 1, 2000 (01.01.00), rolled around, quite a few old programs interpreted it as January 1, 1900, something that many worried would lead to major breakdowns.
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