All about that food
Ever since some of us were born, all the immense number of receptors in our mouth that measure taste as well as temperature, pain, and touch have been particularly sensitive. Our system assigns this kind of person to the yellow vector, one Viktor Tolkachev referred to as the “oral” vector.
How do yellow-vectored people get satisfaction from their significant zone? First and foremost by eating delicious and varying foods. That second adjective is italicized for a reason: everyone remembers how yellow-vectored people like eating food that tastes good, though they sometimes forget how important variety is to them.
People like this are artists with their tongues, able to differentiate between the slightest hints of flavor. Tolkachev used to say that if you put ten unmarked bottles of beer on the table in front of him, he could try them all and tell you exactly which kind was which. He would even be able to tell you when each bottle had been brewed. And that is no exaggeration: yellow-vectored people can lean on their exquisite taste memory to remember practically everything they have ever eaten or drunk, sometimes going back to early childhood. For example, I can remember the taste of the potatoes my grandfather used to fry 30 years ago as if it were yesterday. I think many of you can think of similar instances.
Yellow-vectored people also have good taste perception, meaning that they can select a cut of meat at the store and already know how it will taste once cooked.
Given their skill in the kitchen, however, everything non-yellow-vectored people try to concoct in their territory is comparative slop. That is why yellow-vectored people head in that direction to whip something up for themselves whenever they have a spare minute. They have their special salt and other spices, and every new culinary experience is delicious and novel. And, of course, cookbooks are useless when you can just follow your tongue—better save them for light reading on the couch after a good meal.
Cooking for yellow-vectored people is an intimate act (even more so than sex) they only share with those whom they absolutely trust. If one tells you to go watch TV while he cooks something, there is still a barrier of some sort between the two of you…
While black-vectored people eat a ton of the same thing, yellow-vectored people chow down on a smorgasbord of different foods in a specific order. Like notes strung together to form a composition, they look at ingredients as things to be mixed and matched to make an “oral symphony.” People with a strong yellow vector know exactly what order to follow when eating—a yellow-vectored husband might divorce a wife who serves fish after meat once the spasms in his tongue go away.
By the same token, yellow-vectored people may not like salads made by other people, as real salads are works of art made up of a precise fusion of tastes. The perfect potato salad (just like any other dish) cannot be made from a recipe, since so much depends on the flavor offered by each individual ingredient: 400 grams of one kind of potato is perfect, while yellow-vectored chefs recognize instantly that more than 350 grams of another kind would spoil the overall effect. As a result, they prefer eating salads made by other people piece by piece: first the tomatoes, then the cucumbers, and finally the lettuce straight from the head.
The way they act around food can sometimes seem strange: for instance, they love eating with their fingers, almost as if they have taste buds there too. Licking their plate after a meal (when no one is watching) is also a favorite activity, and they like drinking beer and lemonade straight from the bottle—“You lose half the taste when you pour it out.”
Many yellow-vectored people love sweets, some prefer spicy foods, and others go for more exotic dishes. More than anything, however, yellow-vectored people love meat! Their favorite is meat roasted to rare perfection.
Their nearly animal passion for meat occasionally leads to a subconscious “cannibalism,” such as when the aunt comes to visit her nephew and chatters excitedly at him, “Oh, you’re so adorable! I could eat you up!” At times like those you can be sure she has a hungry yellow vector. I had an aunt like that who would even bite me lightly—I was terrified of her, running and hiding under the couch whenever she came to visit.
Of course, yellow-vectored people, from children to adults, love biting. However, if you let children like that bite as much as they want, the phase will eventually pass (or at least become much less pronounced). Adults bite the object of their passion to demonstrate love and affection, though they sometimes have even scarier ways of showing their feelings…
Once upon a time a colleague told me about a patient he had. She came and complained about her husband: “My husband’ such a thorough blood-sucker I feel exhausted all the time.” She came back a week later and repeated her story: “He’s all over me, the blood-sucker…” Another week went by and she had the same thing to say, only the doctor, tired of hearing it, asked, “So does he drink a lot of your blood?” “A glassful every time!” It turns out the husband made a habit of biting open her veins and drinking her blood…
In medicine this phenomenon is referred to as clinical vampirism—in this case, of course, a serious psychological disorder. In regular yellow-vector life, however, this love of blood takes a less menacing form: perhaps simply licking up the blood that appears when someone cuts themselves.
There is also a widespread Hollywood cliché where a man is using an open razor to shave with his woman around. She begs him to let her try shaving him, though her inexperience leads to a small cut and a drop of blood that she then licks off. They usually rush to the bedroom soon afterwards.
Try imagining what a mix of strong black and yellow vectors would look like, especially if they were both in neurosis. Pretty complicated…
Incidentally, the first oral pleasure yellow-vectored babies enjoy is sucking on their mother’s breast. Regardless of how large it actually is, to the baby that breast looks enormous, leading to a strong mental link between large breasts and pleasure. Men generally fixate on women with that silhouette, and even women prefer thicker men who have something to bite on. Yellow-vectored people (both men and women), as it turns out, almost always prefer fuller figures in the opposite gender.
Yellow-vectored people enjoy satisfying their taste buds with a variety of delicious foods. However, that still leaves their tactile receptors needing pleasure. Would you say people giving beautiful speeches in public are actually working? Of course not—they are first and foremost savoring an almost sexual pleasure, as speaking for yellow-vectored people is a form of oral masturbation. They do their best to maximize that pleasure by talking often and at length.
All major companies have that one employee who is always wandering around looking for someone to talk to. Once they find someone, they grab them by a button, pull them off to the side, and tell them two set phrases. The first is, “this’ll just take a minute.” The second is, “maybe you don’t care, but I’ll tell you anyway.” When that happens, get ready, because the next half hour on your calendar is now full. Of course, people only care to listen to what they find interesting, and so yellow-vectored people have hundreds of stories, the most important of which are the latest gossip. Yellow-vectored people are hysterically funny and the heart of every party. They speak emotionally, with well-formed and rich language that includes a multitude of sayings and tropes.
Two friends meet. The first says to the other, “You know, my wife is quite the orator! She can talk for hours about anything.” The other answers, “Lucky you. My wife can talk for hours about absolutely nothing.”
Because yellow-vectored people are so passionate about talking, it is nearly impossible for them to keep government, corporate, or personal secrets. Some important organizations are well aware of that fact, and so they pull people like this into a dark room and whisper, “I have a secret for you: there’s going to be a bank crisis soon. Just don’t tell anyone!” What do they hear in response? “Of course, not a word! Loose lips!”, though three days later the entire country is abuzz with the news. Creating rumors and gossip is a powerful tool thought up by federal services to exploit people with strong yellow vectors.
Yellow-vector talkativeness has nothing to do with how loyal yellow-vectored people are or are not to those around them; they might very well want to keep a corporate secret for their favorite company. The problem is that their tongue works faster than their brain, making it just too easy to spill the beans to a “random” acquaintance over a meal.
You may have noticed that yellow-vectored people have a lot in common with their red-vectored friends (vivacity, energy, and sociability). Being red-vectored has its advantages, too: charisma, strong sexual potential, and high social status. That is why yellow-vectored people often “simulate” the red vector in an attempt to be like them: “I’ll lead you into the future! We’ll move mountains together!” Many people believe them too, and even get on board with their grandiose plans: “We’re ready—lead us!” But how does the yellow-vectored person respond? “Okay, you go on ahead for now while I have lunch.”
How can you tell the difference between yellow-vectored and red-vectored people? When speaking, they are identical, both energetic and inspirational like true leaders. But! Red-vectored people follow speech with action (they may not complete that action, but that is a separate issue), while yellow-vectored people head straight to a meal. Also remember that people can have both vectors: Fidel Castro is a great example.
Professions and the workplace
Nature itself made the yellow vector perfect for working with food, and so yellow-vectored people are excellent chefs, tasters, and sommeliers (the violet vector’s sense of smell is important for that last one).
There is also no one better suited for professions heavy on speaking: lecturers, dictators, variety actors, interpreters, and tour guides.
Yellow-vectored people also make fantastic facilitators, as they are capable of motivating many people to do a variety of things—including getting them to make purchases. However, regardless of their persuasive abilities, strongly yellow-vectored people are rarely good salesmen, as all their oratorical talents cannot compensate for their inability to listen. There is simply too much of them in the conversation: they become the center of attention and sometimes forget that other people would also like to chime in. Clients, after all, like it when salesmen ask them questions and listen attentively to the answers…
The ideal time for yellow-vector potential to flourish in any company is during brainstorming sessions. Here the pure quantity of ideas they contribute, do not forget, and are able to reason through has no equal. Of course, yellow-vectored people think their job is done once the meeting is over and it is time to get down to work.
People like this are most productive when doing something related to talking, generating ideas, or preparing food; they tend to be lazy when it comes to anything else. If their potential is not needed and they have no outlet for what they love, they risk becoming just another gofer. In that case they spend all their time drinking tea or coffee (and distracting their coworkers) before heading off for a quick smoke, after which they start all over again.
Yellow-vectored people do their best to find the path of least resistance, risking as little as possible and striving for a carefree, comfortable existence. They freely and easily drift through life, finding happiness for themselves and those around them. When they happen into a position of power (in a country or organization), they feel like they made an unforgivable error by forgetting the main meaning in their life: enjoyment.
Appearance and other features
Yellow-vectored people are rarely slender, more often finding themselves with an average or somewhat heavier build (being significantly overweight, incidentally, can be a sign of yellow-vector neurosis). They have large, nimble mouths, while their puffy, sensitive lips sometimes hide the most distinctive yellow-vector trait there is: protruding canines.
They are also not very tidy, meaning that traces of the food and drink they are constantly consuming while simultaneously having lively conversations can often be found later on their clothes.
The bright colors they wear highlight their cheerfulness, though they are not particularly fashion-conscious. There is no typical hairstyle for this vector.
Yellow-vectored people are very animated and love exaggerated gestures, including stroking their own stomach (after a filling meal), biting and licking their lips, and sticking out their tongue.
They love shouting loudly, be that “DE-FENSE, DE-FENSE” or “hooray!” at a sports game, or at home in the kitchen.
When people like this yell, it does not necessarily mean that they are very angry; it is just how they express emotion. They even tend to generate a shockwave that quite literally throws the person they are talking to against the nearest wall. Yellow-vectored people shout, let off steam, and calm down immediately. “Wow, that’s yelling for you…” “I wasn’t yelling; I was speaking loudly. You’ll know when I start yelling!”
If they cannot yell, they can at least whistle; and if they cannot whistle, they can cluck their tongues—another form of oral masturbation.
Yellow-vectored children are always trying to express themselves. Their verbal intellect is their superpower, and they even think better while talking. A little boy might come home from kindergarten: “Mommy, mommy!” “Go talk to your father.” “Daddy, daddy!” “Go talk to your mother”… And just imagine blue-vectored parents (their ears are their sensitive orifices), for whom nothing beats the soothing sound of silence. Their yellow-vectored child runs back and forth between them with no one willing to listen, choking on the words as it were. Children in that situation often end up with a stutter.
Of course, heading out into the neighborhood is a recourse when no one is listening at home, though people there only listen to what they find interesting. “At kindergarten they don’t give us anything to eat ever!” The orange- or brown-vectored mother happens to hear and responds, “Oh, really? Why don’t we go talk to your teacher and you can tell her what you just said. No? So you were lying? Here, this will make you remember not to lie!” And with that she smacks him on the lips. Sure, he will not lie again, but he will also spend his entire life stuttering.
It is important to remember that yellow-vectored children do not really lie; they just make things up. There is nothing for them to gain personally from their fibs, which are spoken with the sole intent of getting people to listen. If real life is not interesting enough, they resort to their imagination.
Yellow-vectored adults behave the same way: when they do not have enough actual details for a good story, they embellish it in a way that has no ulterior motive (the same cannot be said of the elaborate lies weaved by the violet vector).
Of course, speaking is not the only way to get the oral zone going. If your child spends a lot of time with his pacifier, bites his nails, or sleeps with a bit of food in his cheek, it does not mean that he has bad manners. He is just looking for ways to get enjoyment from his significant zone. Keeping him from them when he is young means that when he gets older he will smoke cigarettes or a pipe, stick matches or grass in his mouth, or something else. Incidentally, children who have a hard time giving up their pacifiers are not getting enough oral enjoyment.
I remember one instructive story a mother once told me about her son. He was still sucking on a pacifier at three years of age, while her strong brown vector was very afraid he would drop it on the floor and get an infection. Without the ability to handle the problem head-on, she kept up a running skirmish with her son: every day she would take away the pacifier one minute sooner (today he would have it for 20 minutes, tomorrow for 19, the next day for 18, and so on). Ultimately, nothing worked, as her clever son was always able to win back the minutes he lost.
The mother figured out a creative approach during a vector training seminar. She fastened the pacifier to a wall in the hallway right at the level of the boy’s mouth and told him he could suck on it as much as he wanted. Her son was so happy he stood there sucking away for a whole hour while the mother waited with bated breath to see what would happen next…
Afterwards the boy trotted off to his room, played for a while, and came back later to suck on the pacifier for another hour. And that went on throughout the first day…
He spent the second day running back and forth between his room and the pacifier, sucking for a while and going back to play.
On day three he often looked out of his room to see if the pacifier was still hanging on the wall, though he spent much less time actually sucking on it.
Long story short, by the end of the week the boy had forgotten about the pacifier.
This story is already ten years old, and the pacifier is still stuck to that wall. Why? To remind the parents (and anyone else who stops by) that their children’s needs should always be met in kind.
Children like this are quick to pick up subjects at school that require a lot of speaking, while the exact sciences tend to be a bit more difficult. After all, they think best while speaking and when other people are paying attention to them.
How do yellow-vectored people study for exams? They read a page and then head over to the kitchen. After eating half of what is in the refrigerator, they walk back to their book and read one more page before going to have a smoke. Then they read one more page, after which they chat for a little while on the phone. That entire cycle repeats itself over and over: kitchen, cigarette, tea, coffee, and phone. By the time evening rolls around, the refrigerator is empty, they are out of cigarettes, their phone is broken, and only a few pages have been read. The next morning they head to their exam, flunking if it is written. Remember that they absolutely have to speak if they want to think well (or at least whisper to themselves—articulating what they are thinking). Of course, that is when they hear someone tell them to close their mouth, at which point their thought process shuts down as well…
On the other hand, they do fine if it is an oral exam, since yellow-vectored people can talk well and for quite a while even on subjects they know nothing about.
Once a yellow-vectored student was about to take a zoology exam. She had spent her study time wandering between her phone and the refrigerator, though she had been able to memorize the information in the study guide about fleas. However, she was asked to talk about dogs, and so she answered, “Dogs are mammals with fur that can sometimes be home to fleas. So let’s talk about the anatomy of the flea…” The teacher listened to her colorful story about those fleas before commenting, “That’s all very interesting, but it isn’t quite what you were asked to talk about.” She drew another topic, this time about cats. Starting off with equal enthusiasm, she began, “Cats are mammals with fur that can sometimes be home to fleas. So let’s talk about the physiology of the flea.” After a repeat performance, the teacher returned, “Great, but again, that’s not what you were asked! Try one more topic, and if you can get it right, I’ll give you an A.” The student drew again, coming up with fish… Scrunching it up in her hands, she said, “Fish do not have fur, but if they did, it might have fleas.” And off she went…
Yellow-vectored children are fast learners when it comes to languages, and are especially good at speaking (brown-vectored students are the ones who have the grammar down pat). They are great at memorizing things so long as they have the chance to speak them out loud.
Character and habits
Yellow-vectored people are extroverts and optimists. They are kind-hearted and generous, though careless and irresponsible (speak first; think later). They are easily appeased and do not hold grudges, though they are very capable of acting aggressively in the heat of the moment. Happily, that aggression is most often verbal.
A fantastic sense of humor is second nature to yellow-vectored people, who, when in their element, are like rays of sunshine warming those around them. They are the life of the party, great at having a good time, and simply happy, constantly upbeat people. You will never be disappointed by them unless you are expecting something productive (besides chit-chat or a great meal).
Once the mood turns sour, however, remember that yellow-vectored people are the first to panic. They will do anything to grab the attention of those around them, including making a mountain out of any molehill they can find. Listening to an emotional story complete with tragic expressions and frenzied gesticulation, you would be excused for thinking the world is about to end—happily, the only problem is that a few lightbulbs burnt out.
Their favorite color, of course, is yellow, and their favorite shape is the oval. Incidentally, yellow is the color of appetite, so feed your guests on a yellow tablecloth if you want them to really dig in. If you would rather they ate less, use a blue one (that is why orange-vectored people always have blue dishes and a blue tablecloth on hand for when guests show up). Note that normal restaurants are usually decorated in warm colors (yellow, orange, or brick red), while buffets prefer blue tones.
What do yellow-vectored people do when visiting friends? They eat, of course! And when they finish the first round, they ask for seconds, making it clear why orange-vectored people do not invite them over.
Yellow-vectored people are only able to work when they are a little bit hungry. On the one hand, they crash on the couch as soon as they eat their fill, happy as a lark, if incapable of getting anything done. An empty stomach, on the other hand, puts them in a foul mood, so productivity means finding the happy medium between hunger and satisfaction.
The two silliest questions a wife can ask her yellow-vectored husband when he gets home from work are, “Are you hungry?” and “How are you?” Most important is to stick a piece of meat in his mouth as soon as he walks in the door, after which he just wants to be told that his dinner is waiting in the kitchen.
Yellow-vectored people eat at a leisurely pace when nothing out of the ordinary is going on around them, content to savor each individual flavor. But just imagine what a person with a strong yellow vector and a strong orange vector would look like: a glutton who does his best to eat ahead of time as well…
I remember going to my first buffet when I was young. For a normal kid in the Soviet Union it was unbelievable: you pay a few rubles and eat as much as you want! I grabbed two trays right away, packing the first with soup, an entrée, and a dessert. The second was for soup (a different kind), an entrée (also a different kind), and juice. Across the mound of food I could barely see an ice cream cup with a cherry on top. “That has my name all over it,” I thought.
When I got to the cashier with my trays and paid for the food, she looked at me as if wondering who else I was getting food for. I smiled spitefully and asked, “Is there a problem?” I polished off the first tray quickly, happy as a clam. The second was a bit harder: the soup was all right, but the second entrée pushed me over the edge. The juice’s added weight did nothing to relieve the discomfort in my stomach, and I still had the cherry-topped ice cream ahead of me. I popped the cherry into my mouth and suddenly realized that if I swallowed it, the entire raging mass would come heaving back up. Of course, spitting it out would be terrible manners.
And so I sat there with the cherry in my mouth for quite a while before getting up and heading slowly for the door. I never did swallow that cherry—the danger refused to pass. But do you know what was most frustrating about the entire experience? By the next day I was back to being as hungry as ever!
What do yellow-vectored people do at night once everyone else in the house is asleep? They quietly ease their way over to the edge of the bed, get up, tiptoe to the refrigerator, and happily scarf down everything their orange-vectored wife kept from them during the day!
Yellow-vectored people are deliberate and easy-going when it comes to alcohol: taste and variety are much more important than alcohol content and quantity.
They have a hard time going for too long with nothing in their mouth—if they are not eating, drinking, or talking, they want to be chewing some gum or smoking. A typical yellow-vector problem is biting their tongue or cheeks as a result of eating, talking, and thinking, all at the same time… Their tongue is simply not capable of keeping up with everything going on.
Their handwriting is large and sprawling, with words that look especially like horizontal spirals (springs) when you look at them upside down. The fact that each word is big enough to fit on an entire page points to the lack of concern they have for saving paper (incidentally, red-vectored people cannot even fit one word on a page).
Love and sex
The yellow vector offers below-average sexual potential. Their favorite part of sex is the kissing, which they are happy to do over every inch of their partner’s body. Yellow-vectored men love talking about sex and boasting about their conquests, though in reality they have little to brag about. Oral sex, on the other hand, is right up their alley; the problem is everything else.
Yellow-vector screams of passion released mid-orgasm can be heard by the next-door neighbors, not to mention the people in the next room. Stuffing a hand, pillow, or cat into their mouth to keep them quiet, however, can have an adverse effect on their health.
Two yellow-vectored people can live happily together if they can come to an agreement: “Today you listen to me, and tomorrow I’ll listen to you” (although neither of them minds talking at the same time). They are otherwise perfectly compatible—who besides another yellow-vectored person knows how to feed them right? They are also great in the bedroom together, rarely reading past the 69 position in the Kama Sutra.
Yellow-vector fidelity is a fairly complicated issue. They have no particular drive to cheat on their partners, though their marital irresponsibility is no different from the rest of their lives.
In general the yellow vector is healthy: if they live happy lives with a delicious and varied diet, they should not have any serious health issues.
On the other hand, if their diet is not up to yellow-vector standards (quality- or variety-wise), their metabolism starts giving them problems (obesity, atherosclerosis, diabetes, and more).
The yellow vector covers the mouth and esophagus, but not the stomach. That is why gastritis and stomach ulcers come into play with a completely different vector (the blue one).
Herpes of the lips and stomatitis are typical problems for yellow-vectored people, as they stem from a vector-specific psychological cause. The same can be said of the chronic tonsillitis that comes from a stifled yellow vector.
Yellow-vectored people respond to stress first by trying to eat the negativity away, generally with an excessive amount of sweets (bulimia). If the stress intensifies or continues over a longer period of time, their eating behavior jumps into the opposite ditch (a sign of yellow-vector neurosis): they eat very little and care little about what they eat, sometimes refusing to eat altogether (anorexia). Yellow-vector neurosis is also characterized by psychogenic mutism, dryness of the mouth, and nail biting.
While a balanced yellow vector makes for a “brightly colored balloon” that showers happiness on everyone nearby, neurosis makes for a “popped (or flat) balloon” lying motionless on the pavement.
Three things are needed to treat yellow-vector neurosis: tasty and varied food, patient listeners, and oral sex (in both directions).
Here is a quick story about neurosis. I have not been able to sing since I was a boy. The problem was not that I never learned; to be honest, I have never even tried (since I was seven) and therefore do not even really know what it is like. You have to get me pretty drunk if you want to hear me break something out.
This is all I know: in first grade something happened that I did not think was significant at the time, but that for some reason I remember to this day. We had a wonderful (probably) vocal teacher—an older lady with a strong yellow vector that was coupled with an orange vector (like many teachers). Of course, that meant she pulled no punches: after one lesson she mentioned about me, “When that boy sings, it’s the worst sound I’ve heard in my life.” And that was the last time I tried singing…
Yellow-vectored people have one more passion: they adore using obscenities. However, they differ from black-vectored people, who curse to fill up the spaces between words, in that they have an artistic way of using obscene language that could almost be called cultured. They are the kind of people who use bad language such that in a way it seems natural.
Films to watch (with yellow-vectored characters):
- Silence of the Lambs, directed by Jonathan Demme, USA, 1991 (Dr. Hannibal Lecter, played by Anthony Hopkins)
- Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, directed by Neil Jordan, USA, 1994 (almost all characters)
 Fidel Castro is a Cuban leader who holds the Guinness Book of Records title for the longest speech ever delivered at the United Nations: on September 29, 1960, he spoke for all of 4.5 hours. According to Reuters, Castro’s longest speech was given at the III Communist Party Congress in 1986 and lasted more than seven hours.
 A sommelier is the person at a restaurant responsible for purchasing, storing, and serving wine to the patrons. We will talk more about them in the chapter dealing with the violet vector.
 A facilitator is a person who makes sure everyone in a given group is communicating well by setting up a relaxed atmosphere and profitable discussion, making the entire process a pleasure for everyone involved.
 Verbal intellect is the ability to speak artfully, interact with other people, and handle communication issues, in addition to a predilection for the humanities and languages.
 Bulimia (“ravenous hunger”) is an eating disorder characterized by a suddenly strong appetite that comes in fits accompanied by an agonizing hunger.
 Anorexia is a condition marked by zero appetite and no hunger or a conscious decision not to eat.
You can download an abridged version of the e-book Psychology and Your Orifices as a PDF or EPUB file for free
Also you can buy the full version of the e-book in any of several formats