- How do I reconcile two vectors seem at first glance to be incompatible?
- Which vector should I satisfy the furst?
- How should a person live who has a number of strong vectors constantly vying for attention?
A look at common mistakes
Let’s jump into this topic by first discussing several common errors made by people who read the book on vectors.
Mistake 1. “Some vectors work well together, while others do not.”
That is simply not the way it is. Sure, there are some “nuclear” combinations, including red/violet, that are the stuff of legends. However, I can assure you that there are people who have both those vectors (to a significant degree even) without the slightest discomfort.
On the other hand, a pair like brown/orange that might seem completely compatible may lead to a number of internal conflicts between their needs and desires. I’m talking here about something deeper than the need to torment and be tormented.
Here is the general rule: all vectors contradict each other in one way or another.
The question is how significant a particular contradiction is for you (right now, especially).
What does that depend on? There are a number of factors:
- Your current psychological condition (whether you feel on the ball or under it)
- How developed your vectors were in childhood (your parents may have openly supported one of your vectors and done everything possible to suppress another, something that often happens for red/orange-vectored and red/brown-vectored children)
- To what degree you live your own life as opposed to representing someone from your or your partner’s family (this often happens in families that have lived through difficult times)
For that reason, resolving contradictions between vectors needs to begin with an understanding of the underlying reasons in addition to a look at the larger picture rather than just your vectors.
Mistake 2. “Bottom vectors are more important for us than cephalic (upper) vectors, therefore we should prefer the bottom vectors in a case of conflict.”
I don’t get an exact origin where this idea came from. Usually, Red (urethral), Brown (anus), Orange (skin) and Black (navel) are considered the bottom vectors – all of them have orifices on the body. Green (eyes), Yellow (mouth) and Violet (nose) are considered the upper vectors – all of them have orifices on the top of body, i.e. on the head.
How does one vector can be more important than another one? It is a puzzle to me… I won’t argue with this opinion. Except to say that I’ve never met its confirmation during 20 years of work.
Mistake 3. “When two vectors are in conflict, one of them needs to be suppressed.”
Recently someone asked me this question:
“You said that you have strong red and brown vectors. Do you know any techniques for activating one and suppressing the other?”
My generation was taught to suppress our natural desires when we were young. And that is one of the main habits we carry with us throughout our lives.
For instance, we often suppress our sexuality (completely or just where we find it to be non-standard). Ask yourself honestly whether you would be willing to discuss every last one of your sexual appetites with your partner. That corresponds directly to how suppressed your vectors are—each of them has its own secret desires that occasionally deviate from what society considers to be normal.
- We suppress the impulses of our Soul, which cries, “I want! (…love, a different relationship, to relax, etc.)” Our response is harsh: “Well, you just can’t.” Incidentally, that is a classic conflict between the green and orange vectors.
- We suppress the negative feelings we have toward those closest to us: our partners, parents, and children. However, we weren’t taught what to do with all the pain we sometimes feel in relation to the ones we love the most.
Look at the people around you who are unhappiest—they are the ones who for whatever reason have suppressed everything in themselves that they can.
So what do I do with all that?
1) Look at yourself as someone with eight whole vectors. Sure, some of them have a higher potential than others, but suppressing the ones you think are weak will walk you right into an unpleasant surprise: your strongest and favorite vectors will also start to experience problems.
Unfortunately, we cannot reassign energy from one vector to another as if pouring water from one container into another. We also, however, cannot forget or exclude vectors we like (or that we think we need at the moment).
In ancient times there was an idea that adolescent sexual energy can and should be refocused on academic and athletic achievements. And what was the result? Several generations of sexually dissatisfied people (primarily red-vectored).
The best move is to devote attention to every vector in proportion to their potential. We can call that “making room for what is already there.”
If I really love singing and kind of enjoy painting, I should sing every day and just paint on Saturdays. But I do need to paint on Saturdays!
2) Determine for yourself that if you have vectors that are hard to reconcile, they all deserve to be implemented fully.
It’s true: compromises don’t work. If you have a red vector to go along with your brown vector (one is fast, while the other is slow), what compromise could there be? An average tempo in your life? Instead of fixing the problem, you would be left with two frustrated vectors!
To achieve success and balance in that case you need to be both fast and slow in the one life you’re given.
If you read the chapter in the book on acceptance, you know the influence parents who do not accept their children’s vectors can have.
When a parent does not accept one of their own vectors, their child will most likely also have problems accepting that same vector. Ultimately, they will grow up with contradictions between their vectors.
Let’s take this conversation in an interesting direction. To what extent do your parents accept EACH OTHER’S vectors? And how does THAT affect you today?
When you were a child, did your parents ever say something like, “You’re just like your father (or mother)”?
It’s really true that nothing bothers us like seeing in our children what we don’t accept in our partner. And occasional frustration is nothing compared to being negatively compared to one or the other of one’s parents.
It doesn’t matter whether your child agrees with your claim or not – as soon as it is made, their vectors divide and draw up battle lines.
A long time ago, two cells belonging to your parents combined to form one new one. They didn’t get to select each other’s qualities (what they liked and what they didn’t) because they were not given the chance. All they could do was join completely and on a macro level in order to create a new life. At the core of that process is a complete acceptance of each other at the deepest, genetic level, and there is no reason why our own vectors cannot enjoy that same harmony.
Children whose parents did not accept each other’s vectors, always suffer from an internal conflict.
It’s as if an argument the parents started was reborn and implanted, often for life, in their children.
The situation is further complicated when parents hide the frustrations they feel about each other. While those frustrations may never be voiced aloud, they are still absorbed by the people around them.
Why is it more complicated? Because we can tie a complaint made in the open to a particular quality, meaning that its impact is limited. On the other hand, there is nothing to tie a secret complaint to, meaning that it influences all of who we are.
What can we do NOW to solve the problem?
Try this simple exercise:
Pick the qualities that make you take after your parents. Try to not making moral judgment as to whether it is “good” or “bad”. If you have never seen one of your parents, just imagine – the stories of relatives and your own feeling will help you.
If it is quite difficult for you to choose any quality, just pick a vector. And then, speaking mentally to your mom (and then to your dad), say the following phrases:
- Mom, thank you and dad for my life
- Thank you for your “Yes” to dad and I came along
- I take what dad gives to me; I take what you, mom, gives to me
- I contain both of you and I am unique
- I am not by your side, mom. I am not by your side, dad.
- I take after you, mom, in these qualities.
- I take after you, dad, in these qualities.
- I have all of these.
Try to feel the effect of these words.
Read more in upcoming installments!
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